My mother is an extraordinarily strong woman, and I don’t say this as the cliché most kids say about their mothers, I say this as a fact that everyone who knows her claims. She has brought me and my brother up on her own from the mere ages of 5 months and 2 years respectfully and simultaneously done her Masters and then her Ph.D. I grew watching her have 2 jobs or 3 at times and we, almost always, had a warm dinner on our table. As a child, I clearly didn’t understand the vast energy needed to do all she did and I believed that it’s just the way MOM is. However, growing up I would realize the vastness and meaning of her lifestyle. The effect that her way of living has had on me is remarkable though. If I’m not working on something or doing what I deem meaningful, I’d feel lost and miserable…probably even abnormal. As such, my life has often been filled with activities and plans, little time and a lot of work. Not having a father figure left me confused as to how one deals with a situation when a man is involved. Who does what, where and when?!
Now, I’ve never been much of follower or admirer of social norms and ideas constructed for the convenience of people in power, but I’m surely intrigued as to how us women have come to the state we’re currently in. The manner in which women, especially in Kosovo (my country), believe that they have come a long way and that they are way better off than our grandmothers is compelling, to say the least.
Today most women, again – especially those in Kosovo but I’m not excluding many, finish their studies and get a job, yet come home and do everything else as well including cooking, cleaning, taking care of their children and much more. I do not claim that the latter are not to be done or are in any way discriminating, however, I do believe that doing both is a lot of responsibility put on the shoulders of one person, that usually being the woman.
I would not like to wander on the topic of gender roles as I have done so quite often in my 1st year in college, but I do want to make a point.

Women today are not way better off than women in the past who didn’t work to earn a living!

The perks of the so-called “independence” one is granted by having a job, are often dulled when looking at all the excessive responsibilities.
Ideally, I’d not have an 8 to 5 job and come back home to deal with anything. Personally, I’d love to read and write whenever it’s convenient for me while taking care of my child in the comfort of my home, waiting for my husband to come from work and tell me about his day (he does truly enjoy his job by the way). I realize how old-school that sounds and how I will probably not be able to live such a life because my drive and motivation, possible economic situation and itch for interaction with others won’t let me, but cut me some slack…I’m a dreamer of sorts.
I just need to put this out to the world, to tell people that this situation we’re in is not right and it certainly isn’t fair. I am honestly sick of mothers teaching their daughters to be proper and to take care of everything, yet teaching their sons to be taken care of. I don’t agree with women having to fulfill every single role they can and do well at home, work, with family, friends, children, and in outer space, to feel “normal” in our society. We can easily make the claim that most women don’t have only one job, and this is not like my mom’s case, this is when you could have it easier…but somehow society won’t let you.

However, I’ll illustrate the position of most men with the example of my aunt:

My aunt and her husband have been married for probably more than 40 years, and he is a highly knowledgeable and wise man. He retired from his job and decided to spend his summers in their village where they have a villa, cultivating juicy berries. In a better world, people would admire his life filled with fresh air and occupying himself with something so relaxing, but it turns out that whenever he’d go to the villa on his own, everyone felt bad for him because he survived on canned or reheated food. Now, people weren’t sorry that he didn’t have cooking skills, they were mainly sorry that he didn’t have someone to cook for him, his wife preferably.
I just feel that the idea that women today are in a better position of sophistication is an illusion. I believe that most women have stagnated in, if not lowered their standards as to how they should be treated or how they should treat themselves. Call me selfish or spoiled, but I certainly celebrate myself and want to be surrounded with people who treasure me for who I am and what I do, not feeling the need to overwhelm me to enjoy their life at my expense.
When my grandmother was young, her primary “job” was to take care of her children and cook for her family; today most women do the same and much more, they earn a living and sometimes they’re the key financial supporters of their household. However, men deal less with housework and if they occasionally do, they’re praised for it. I think that both cases are unfair and women are often stigmatized or wrongfully judged as “belonging in the kitchen”, “house-wife” (said in a judgmental manner), “fit for the EASY jobs”, etc. Initially, both women and men belong wherever they work for and decide to belong, and if you are dedicated and do your job well and without difficulty, it’s a “good job” rather than an “easy” job.
I want to end on a note to all people willing or claiming to protect their own rights and the rights of others:

Oppression is not the only cause of human rights’ violation, ignorance and arrogance violate human rights every day.

42 thoughts on “Chapter Two: Why do Women have so many “Jobs” nowadays?!

  1. You are absolutely right. Women don’t have it easier just because they have some basic rights that they didn’t have 100 years ago, or just because they can provide for themselves and their families. On the contrary, they are not only expected to cook, clean, and take care for the children, but even provide the means (such as money) for a better living.
    p.s. I truly admire your mother.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Really great read! I agree with you 100%! I think it’s awesome that a woman can work and work hard for that matter. But like you, as much as I am amazing at my job and put everything into it. I would love to do the same thing with my children at home. I was blessed to be a stay at home mom for four years until my husband got laid off and I was forced to help bring home an income. I miss it every day and am waiting for the opportunity to get back to what I love most. The world is so backwards.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh your story is exactly what I mean when I talk about women today. You deserve to take care of your children and to work if you want to, yet you don’t deserve to be overburdened or forced into working and leaving behind what matters more to you!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It makes me sad when I think about it, so I just try not to think about it and make the best of the situation that’s been dealt to me. I was an amazing full time mommy and truly excelled at being at stay at home mom and running our home. I wish I could go back to it every day, but it’s just not in our cards right now.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I truly hope that things will turn around for you soon, that you’ll be able to go back to doing what you enjoy most. Sometimes we’ve got to just not think about some things and try to focus on the good things in our lives.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. That’s exactly what I am doing. Focusing on the good things and making the most out of the situation that I currently have. I don’t know when the tables will turn, but I will be ready when they do!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow! This is certainly a powerful piece and I resonated with a great deal of what you said. So many of us probably do think these thoughts from time to time, but not many have articulated them in published format. More power to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh this bit is so so true “people weren’t sorry that he didn’t have cooking skills, they were mainly sorry that he didn’t have someone to cook for him, his wife preferably.” Why do men and women feel this way? Why don’t we think it sad that this man never learnt to cook? Why is it sad is hasn’t got a women to do this for him? It drives me mad when people say this about my single male family members. Such a great post.

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  5. I really enjoyed your post!!! This is actually something that I learned about in a gender studies class where women have received the independence to contribute to the legit working economy, but they are also subjected to this thing called the “second shift” where they come home and have another shift of domestic/child care work that isn’t seen as work in society– even though it’s super crucial to societies well-being! I think if you google second shift or double burden, you might learn more about it! But anyway, great post and I’m hyped to see more!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is so spot on. I do not want to be expected to run the house, just because I’m a woman. It comes down to setting boundaries early on, then men will have no choice but to live equally with us. As I type this, my boyfriend is cleaning the flat as I’ve finished my bit for the day. I’ve got him well trained ;-).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s nice to hear, that you divide all the chores equally up, it always wrecks my nerves the way we are initially and always expected to do everything and barely anything is expected from men, in turn even the reasonable men sometimes need to be “trained” as you put it. But you seem to have an equal and fair situation and I wish it keeps being good for you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I can see your passion about the topic through your words. I totally agree with you, our so-called independence comes with a lot of responsibilities and pressure too. We certainly don’t have gender equality, a lot of people still think that women belong in the kitchen.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Unfortunately that’s the way it is and there’s definitely lack of balance in these matters because women are expected to either be fully in this role or they’re looked upon as “careless” or masculine.

      Like

  8. I totally agree with this, women are expected to be super heroes and juggle everything – motherhood, careers, keeping their house and building a home. I struggle with all of the jobs that are put on me, thankfully my husband helps out!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Maybe it’s me being a guy, but I do have a hard time relating to this. When I was married I did the work, grad school, the vast majority of the cooking and the cleaning around the house and taking care of my daughter when I got the chance. I never took it as bad that I had to do those things because I wanted to do those things. But at the same time I do not begrudge different people for wanting different things. Some women want success, fame and power. I do not begrudge them that. They should have it. But everything comes at a cost. There is always a tradeoff. What you spend pursuing those things you give less to family. And then there are those who all they want is a family. I cannot say whether this is just a function of culture. And I cannot denigrate these women who want this. Whether it’s possible to pursue that without wealth is another question in today’s society. But if that’s what they want to do, they should be welcome to pursue family pursuits as much as anyone who wishes to make a name for themselves in any career. I do feel badly that society will tell women that they expect them to do certain things, and when they don’t they are bad. But for men they praise them for doing things. That is certainly unequal treatment. But it’s not my view of the world. Hopefully, the world changes to be more accepting of different choices in life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m really happy to hear the view of a man in this, and that of a man who actually doesn’t fit to the group (vast majority, especially in my country) whom I wrote about. Certainly, there are a lot of men who do all of the chores and see it as normal and I do agree that everything comes with a tradeoff. However, what I don’t advocate is the idea that the woman HAS TO be the one attending all the home chores and duties and have a job at the same time but if a man is in such a position, he’s to be praised. I want to see in the world a sense of acceptance of women who want to do well at work yet still have a healthy family and time for themselves, not feeling guilty, because most of the time nowadays women are urged to have a job for financial reasons yet they’re made to feel guilty if they don’t do all the other “duties”, often being comforted by calling them “super-woman”. I don’t think women should aim to do everything and drain themselves just to be called “super-woman” I think they should aim to be happy women (which is also relative, I must admit).

      Liked by 1 person

  10. There is a misconception that women didn’t work to earn a living in the past… they did. They were either not compensated since they were considered chattel, or they were poorly paid.
    The second shift is not a new phenomenon, it has merely changed clothing and century. You raise lots of great points in your post and I have to say kudos to your mom for holding up the fort.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Your post resonated well with me. I have been raised by strong women who are driven to provide the best things for their kids, however I did see my aunt pamper her only son – same goes for my mom to my brother. As a mom I have promised myself that I will raise my son, should I have one, the same way I would raise my daughter – to become independent and not afraid of doing chores.

    Liked by 1 person

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